How to Be More Effective in Relationships | Interpersonal Therapy in Denver
Healthy relationships don’t just happen by accident. They’re built on trust, communication, and the ability to navigate conflict with respect. But for many of us, relating to others can feel frustrating. Maybe you avoid asking for what you need, or you give in too quickly to keep the peace. Maybe you speak up, but it comes out harshly and damages the connection.
If you’ve ever wished you could feel more confident and effective in your relationships, you’re not alone. In my Denver therapy practice, I often help clients learn interpersonal effectiveness skills—practical tools originally developed in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that can make communication smoother and more respectful. With practice, these skills can transform how you interact with partners, family, friends, or coworkers.
🌱 What Are Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills?
Interpersonal effectiveness skills are strategies for balancing three important goals in relationships:
Getting what you want or need (assertiveness).
Maintaining the relationship (nurturing connection).
Respecting yourself (staying true to your values).
Too often, people lean heavily on one goal and neglect the others. For example:
Always giving in to avoid conflict → relationship may survive, but self-respect suffers.
Always demanding your way → you might get what you want short-term, but relationships weaken.
Always protecting your pride → you might feel strong, but lose closeness with others.
Interpersonal effectiveness helps you balance all three goals so you can connect with others while staying authentic.
🛠 Key Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
1. DEAR MAN: Asking for What You Want Clearly
This skill helps you express needs without guilt or aggression.
Describe the facts clearly.
Express how you feel.
Assert what you want directly.
Reinforce why it matters.
Mindful: stay focused on your request, don’t get derailed.
Appear confident.
Negotiate if needed.
💡 Example: Instead of hinting you’re overwhelmed at home, you might say:“I’ve been doing most of the night feedings and I’m feeling exhausted. I need us to take turns so I can rest, too.”
2. GIVE: Maintaining Healthy Relationships
This skill focuses on how you show up in conversations, especially when the goal is keeping the relationship strong.
Gentle: avoid judgment, sarcasm, or attacks.
Interested: show you’re listening.
Validate: acknowledge the other person’s feelings.
Easy manner: bring warmth and a sense of ease.
💡 Example: If your partner is upset, instead of defending yourself immediately, you might say:“I hear you’re frustrated. That makes sense—I would feel that way too if I thought I wasn’t being heard.”
3. FAST: Protecting Your Self-Respect
This skill ensures you honor your own values while navigating relationships.
Fair: be fair to both yourself and others.
Apologies only when appropriate (don’t over-apologize).
Stick to your values.
Truthful: avoid exaggeration or dishonesty to “win.”
💡 Example: If a friend pressures you to do something that feels wrong, you might respond:“I really value our friendship, but that doesn’t sit right with me. I need to say no.”
💬 Why These Skills Matter
When you practice DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST, you become more intentional in your interactions. Instead of reacting from stress, you’re responding with clarity. Over time, this leads to:
Fewer misunderstandings in conversations.
Stronger boundaries that protect your energy.
Greater self-confidence in asking for what you need.
Healthier, more balanced relationships where both sides feel respected.
🌿 How Therapy Supports Interpersonal Growth
Even when we know these skills, putting them into practice can feel uncomfortable at first. Therapy provides a supportive space to:
Role-play conversations so you feel more prepared.
Explore what makes it hard for you to assert needs (e.g., fear of conflict, people-pleasing).
Strengthen your self-esteem so you feel worthy of respect.
Learn how to apply these tools not just in romantic relationships, but with friends, coworkers, and family.
In my Denver practice, I often combine DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills with relational therapy. This approach helps you not only use the skills, but also understand the deeper patterns that may be holding you back.
✨ Final Thoughts
Being effective in relationships isn’t about controlling others—it’s about expressing yourself clearly, respecting others, and honoring your own values. With practice, interpersonal effectiveness skills can help you feel more connected, confident, and authentic in every relationship you have.
📍 If you’re in Denver and want to strengthen your communication or relationships, I’d love to help. I offer in-person sessions in Cherry Creek and secure online therapy across Colorado. Reach out today for a free 20-minute consultation.